How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
The door won't shut.

How do you know if there's a giraffe in your fridge?
The elephant isn't there.

The king of the jungle invites every animal to his birthday party. All attend but one. Who?
The giraffe, he's still in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. She does so safely. How?
The alligators are at the party.

Sally dies anyway. Why?
She was hit by a mysterious falling brick.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
It was dead.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It got hit by the first koala.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game and wanted to join in.

The first one says, "I'll have some H20, please!" (pretend 2 is subscript)

The other says, "I'll have what he's having," pointing at the first scientist.

The first scientist storms out of the bar, angry that his assassination attempt has failed.

I couldn't remember the exact words, so this is copy and paste sorry;

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!

The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

what do girls and math have in common?
if its under ten, use your fingers
(i heard it in a discord server once and if yall think its too much ill delete it TvT)