In 7th grade I did date a girl (Lets call her emily) for a few months when I date someone I want to actually date them not just for the fun of it. We dated for a few months and it didn't really work out nothing bad between us. Emily broke up with me saying it was because I didn't give her enough attention which I was busy with something going on my dad at the time and other things I tried telling her but she said it wouldn't work I didn't press it because if it didn't work it probably wont again best thing was giving time if it were to work again so I let it be.

I did still kind of like Ava while I was dating Emily there was a part of me that liked her still because I have known her for so long.

Ok lets move onto 8th grade ohhh big leagues now. Anyways, In 8th grade I believe middle of the year I think it was Valentines Dance coming up. I was really close friends with Ava's best friend lets say Lily. She was trying to help me out with Ava (Im not frends with her anymore really a story for another day) Lily would help me and talk to her for me. Sooo I finally asked her to that dance she said yes BUT she said "As friends right?" (It hurts just writing this.) I thought she was making sure we both liked each other and asking so she knew it was genuine Idk why i thought that im stupid I know I asked Lily why she said that just to be sure and she said Ava probably didn't mean it like that and she liked me probably.

Ok this is where it gets good or sad or idk. So at the dance Lily got flowers to give to me so I can give to Ava. She said it was free and she wanted to help. Im looking for her wondering where she is at. (She was avoiding me..) I finally found after wandering around like an dummy with flowers. I walk up straight out of a movie I swear her friends blocked me like a wall surrounding her and im with friends that was hyping me up they were trying to get me to her. Her friends were saying a bunch of stuff to me that hurt me a lot I wont say it all only some like. "She doesn't like you." or "Or get away you dont deserve her." things that would really hurt me just low blows. So I gave up I was very hurt and mad about it in the moment of rejection and what they said (Later I did realize it was for the best) I dont really cry much but that time I did I was raised to suck it up and endure it after being in a very bad home I dont talk about anymore because last time I did I was made fun of like it was a joke) But anyway its how I was raised in my bio family for awhile before I got adopted a part of me still holds it and did at the dance. I threw away the flowers in rage still my friend got me to move around and do something rather then let it keep going the rest of the night was a little les then alright but manageable.

Later on I found out that she didn't say anything to me during when she knew I liked her because she liked the attention and I was nice. Which is crazy to me but that one moment changed me so much and still does Im scared of rejection so so so mucn and I only am now just starting to get over it I still find myself ugly and just not attractive to people a lot of people dont like when people are hyper Im currently on the 2nd strongest ADHD medication available to me right now and I the medication does work just not completely im still energetic as hell I learned to not care what people think over a long time trust its so much better to live not caring on things you cant change there is a lot I didn't cover in this because I wont by choice.

Let me know your thoughts on this please. I have tremors so i struggle to type it all and I know my grammer isn't all correct it would tale forever love you all!