..
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Let me be so honest and clear i do not want ANYONE saying anything until im done, FULLY. which i will say, but as of now, not a word. i have bad anxiety and the thought alone of even talking about this, makes me uncomfortable. however, i NEED to. i cant repress my past forever, i cant just forgive and forget. i refuse. so, ima edit this, its gna be HELLA long, btw. so like, deal with it.
lets go back to younger years, ive been around all kinds of shade, drugs, alcohol, abuse, child neglect, fuck you name it. My mom was the angry type, never not once was she happy, always yelling, always my fault. funny how it was always me cause, i dont have any siblings that live with me, but honestly? i rather it justve only been me.. i wouldnt want anyone else 2 have gotten hurt, we moved alot, house 2 house, mind you, i was a good kid, respectful, kind, sweet all around, mature(not in the way your thinking, i was the 'parent' in the situation..) if there were other kids in the house(s) id immediately step up and keep watch over them. ive feed them, cleaned houses, solved sibling fights, anything you can think of. none of it was ever appreciated, only by the kids, fuck they'd call me older brother cause of how much i took care of them, i loved all of those kids, dearly, still do. id do it again. but, i never had time to BE a kid myself, i was too busy helping the kids have a good childhood and trying 2 please my mom so she wouldnt hurt me, my mom never treated me as her kid, she'd always get mad at me, put her hands on me, tell me its my fault she did what she did, the only thing i would ever think about is why she hated me, why it was my fault? i was doing so well, how was it my fault? she'd tell me she hated me more than she loved me, my vision on parental validation was fucked. i didnt want her as a mom, i didnt want anyone, i was enclosed for like 3 years, i refused to get close 2 anyone, because i knew i would rebret it if i did,i was honestly so depressed.. i genuinely didnt think id make it past 10-12 but, if im being honest, im doing so much better than what i was, im still in a emotionally abusive environment, yes, and some things my grandma says reminds me of my mom, yes, but its not as bad. im more open with myself, not exactly comfortable in my own skin, but i can talk to people without thinking theyre immediately going to leave me, yes i still very much get terrible anxiety thoughts, theyre never usually true. my mom was never a mean drunk, granted, but it still scared me, she was overly nice and touchy all of it made me scared, i to thia day, cannot handle when people are drunk, it scares me. my mom also, used to constantly tell doctors i was fucked up and needed shit ton of medication (which she stole), what really angered me was when she took my antidepressants when i REALLY needed them, i was so mad i started crying. i resent her, i dont like calling her my mom, she was always mean to me and would always blame her problems on me. i hated being around her so much that once when school was out i literally lived with my friend 4 like the entirity of summer break.. it was bad. ive cut all contact with her since, she still tries to contact me and my grandma is kinda pushing it. but i SINCERELY do not wanna talk 2 her. at all. shes a terrible parent.
im sorry, im going in loop holes, my memory is so repressed i cant remember much by itself... but thats all, i guess.
im done -
k yall can speak now
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so you live with your grandmother now?
Xaric Brotherhood member
(rank) Elite Grandmasteremail me at (awest3575@gmail.com)
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so you live with your grandmother now?
@logen-churchel yes
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i used to have problems with my father (although not as severe) i used to visit him when i was younger but the only time he ever got mad at me was when i killed his character in a video game i was like 3 at the time. i haven't visited him in a while but he did used to abuse my mother and used to throw things at her my mother says she thinks its because of his ptsd from being in war. but anyway, i still tried to have a relationship with him hoping he would change. (i now live with my stepfather and mother) its good to stay away from toxic relationships but its even better to fix them and change the person whose abusing you for the better. what i suggest is trying to show kindness to your mother and at least explain to her why you didn't want to talk at first
Xaric Brotherhood member
(rank) Elite Grandmasteremail me at (awest3575@gmail.com)
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and how she has effected you negatively
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i used to have problems with my father (although not as severe) i used to visit him when i was younger but the only time he ever got mad at me was when i killed his character in a video game i was like 3 at the time. i haven't visited him in a while but he did used to abuse my mother and used to throw things at her my mother says she thinks its because of his ptsd from being in war. but anyway, i still tried to have a relationship with him hoping he would change. (i now live with my stepfather and mother) its good to stay away from toxic relationships but its even better to fix them and change the person whose abusing you for the better. what i suggest is trying to show kindness to your mother and at least explain to her why you didn't want to talk at first
@logen-churchel ive tried that, she always victimizes herself and starts blamming me
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then try to get a family therapist usually when parents hear it from another adult they are willing to listen
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which ive learned that because my parents rarely ever listen to me.
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but also make sure that you bring your grandmother just in case your mother tries to lie about anything
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so that she has accountability weighed on her
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i cant have any contact w my mom. i refuse.
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Let me be so honest and clear i do not want ANYONE saying anything until im done, FULLY. which i will say, but as of now, not a word. i have bad anxiety and the thought alone of even talking about this, makes me uncomfortable. however, i NEED to. i cant repress my past forever, i cant just forgive and forget. i refuse. so, ima edit this, its gna be HELLA long, btw. so like, deal with it.
lets go back to younger years, ive been around all kinds of shade, drugs, alcohol, abuse, child neglect, fuck you name it. My mom was the angry type, never not once was she happy, always yelling, always my fault. funny how it was always me cause, i dont have any siblings that live with me, but honestly? i rather it justve only been me.. i wouldnt want anyone else 2 have gotten hurt, we moved alot, house 2 house, mind you, i was a good kid, respectful, kind, sweet all around, mature(not in the way your thinking, i was the 'parent' in the situation..) if there were other kids in the house(s) id immediately step up and keep watch over them. ive feed them, cleaned houses, solved sibling fights, anything you can think of. none of it was ever appreciated, only by the kids, fuck they'd call me older brother cause of how much i took care of them, i loved all of those kids, dearly, still do. id do it again. but, i never had time to BE a kid myself, i was too busy helping the kids have a good childhood and trying 2 please my mom so she wouldnt hurt me, my mom never treated me as her kid, she'd always get mad at me, put her hands on me, tell me its my fault she did what she did, the only thing i would ever think about is why she hated me, why it was my fault? i was doing so well, how was it my fault? she'd tell me she hated me more than she loved me, my vision on parental validation was fucked. i didnt want her as a mom, i didnt want anyone, i was enclosed for like 3 years, i refused to get close 2 anyone, because i knew i would rebret it if i did,i was honestly so depressed.. i genuinely didnt think id make it past 10-12 but, if im being honest, im doing so much better than what i was, im still in a emotionally abusive environment, yes, and some things my grandma says reminds me of my mom, yes, but its not as bad. im more open with myself, not exactly comfortable in my own skin, but i can talk to people without thinking theyre immediately going to leave me, yes i still very much get terrible anxiety thoughts, theyre never usually true. my mom was never a mean drunk, granted, but it still scared me, she was overly nice and touchy all of it made me scared, i to thia day, cannot handle when people are drunk, it scares me. my mom also, used to constantly tell doctors i was fucked up and needed shit ton of medication (which she stole), what really angered me was when she took my antidepressants when i REALLY needed them, i was so mad i started crying. i resent her, i dont like calling her my mom, she was always mean to me and would always blame her problems on me. i hated being around her so much that once when school was out i literally lived with my friend 4 like the entirity of summer break.. it was bad. ive cut all contact with her since, she still tries to contact me and my grandma is kinda pushing it. but i SINCERELY do not wanna talk 2 her. at all. shes a terrible parent.
im sorry, im going in loop holes, my memory is so repressed i cant remember much by itself... but thats all, i guess.
im done@kisses4z i read the entire thing. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that in your younger years. I had a sister that would steal my medication as well. Her name was Leana. She was a bitch. And my dad didn't care about me. He let me starve and gave me no clothes and no water and he messed up my teeth by giving me candy at a young age (i was only 3 years old) and i have stopped all contact with him. Luckily my mom took me in. She's gone now though, she died from a blood clot in her lung and now i'm alone, we don't talk about my other sister, all she cared about was money. And she disrespected me, so i stopped contact with her too
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@kisses4z i read the entire thing. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that in your younger years. I had a sister that would steal my medication as well. Her name was Leana. She was a bitch. And my dad didn't care about me. He let me starve and gave me no clothes and no water and he messed up my teeth by giving me candy at a young age (i was only 3 years old) and i have stopped all contact with him. Luckily my mom took me in. She's gone now though, she died from a blood clot in her lung and now i'm alone, we don't talk about my other sister, all she cared about was money. And she disrespected me, so i stopped contact with her too
@Jared im so sry..
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I can't say I get it and understand what you're going through because I've never been put in situations on that caliber. My mom does similar things but on a much much lesser degree which isn't considered child neglect/emotional/psychological abuse as to which you've been through, but I can at least say is that i'm able to sympathize with everything you wrote. I just want you to know that you're my best friend on here no one (not even jojo) can compare to my respect, admiration, appreciation, etc etc of you. You're not alone and I never want you to feel that way, so if you ever need to vent or yell or whatever, i'm here for you.
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im rlly srry this happened 2 u im here if u need 2 talk
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Let me be so honest and clear i do not want ANYONE saying anything until im done, FULLY. which i will say, but as of now, not a word. i have bad anxiety and the thought alone of even talking about this, makes me uncomfortable. however, i NEED to. i cant repress my past forever, i cant just forgive and forget. i refuse. so, ima edit this, its gna be HELLA long, btw. so like, deal with it.
lets go back to younger years, ive been around all kinds of shade, drugs, alcohol, abuse, child neglect, fuck you name it. My mom was the angry type, never not once was she happy, always yelling, always my fault. funny how it was always me cause, i dont have any siblings that live with me, but honestly? i rather it justve only been me.. i wouldnt want anyone else 2 have gotten hurt, we moved alot, house 2 house, mind you, i was a good kid, respectful, kind, sweet all around, mature(not in the way your thinking, i was the 'parent' in the situation..) if there were other kids in the house(s) id immediately step up and keep watch over them. ive feed them, cleaned houses, solved sibling fights, anything you can think of. none of it was ever appreciated, only by the kids, fuck they'd call me older brother cause of how much i took care of them, i loved all of those kids, dearly, still do. id do it again. but, i never had time to BE a kid myself, i was too busy helping the kids have a good childhood and trying 2 please my mom so she wouldnt hurt me, my mom never treated me as her kid, she'd always get mad at me, put her hands on me, tell me its my fault she did what she did, the only thing i would ever think about is why she hated me, why it was my fault? i was doing so well, how was it my fault? she'd tell me she hated me more than she loved me, my vision on parental validation was fucked. i didnt want her as a mom, i didnt want anyone, i was enclosed for like 3 years, i refused to get close 2 anyone, because i knew i would rebret it if i did,i was honestly so depressed.. i genuinely didnt think id make it past 10-12 but, if im being honest, im doing so much better than what i was, im still in a emotionally abusive environment, yes, and some things my grandma says reminds me of my mom, yes, but its not as bad. im more open with myself, not exactly comfortable in my own skin, but i can talk to people without thinking theyre immediately going to leave me, yes i still very much get terrible anxiety thoughts, theyre never usually true. my mom was never a mean drunk, granted, but it still scared me, she was overly nice and touchy all of it made me scared, i to thia day, cannot handle when people are drunk, it scares me. my mom also, used to constantly tell doctors i was fucked up and needed shit ton of medication (which she stole), what really angered me was when she took my antidepressants when i REALLY needed them, i was so mad i started crying. i resent her, i dont like calling her my mom, she was always mean to me and would always blame her problems on me. i hated being around her so much that once when school was out i literally lived with my friend 4 like the entirity of summer break.. it was bad. ive cut all contact with her since, she still tries to contact me and my grandma is kinda pushing it. but i SINCERELY do not wanna talk 2 her. at all. shes a terrible parent.
im sorry, im going in loop holes, my memory is so repressed i cant remember much by itself... but thats all, i guess.
im done@kisses4z read the whole entire thing i'm so sorry the abuse you had go through with your own mother it's so hard to get over these things sometimes people Don't get over the things they went through
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im sorry to hear tht my brotha
