how i accidentally became the worst strategist in my own life
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so apparently my entire existence is a series of tactical errors that only make sense if you pretend i am some kind of tragic video game villain. yesterday i spent forty-five minutes trying to convince a vending machine to give me a free soda. did it work? obviously not. did i learn anything? nope. but here’s the kicker: the satisfaction of failing in style is somehow… intoxicating. like, i don’t even know what victory means anymore because my bar for success has been permanently lowered by years of personal chaos. anyway if anyone wants tips on how to be spectacularly bad at literally everything while still looking like a genius online, i’m available. slide into my notifications or don’t. consequences: minimal. laughter: mandatory.
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ok i COMPLETELY understand this, if i know im absolutely losing at anything, i immediately shift my focus to pissing off people who are doing better than me, just making their lives miserable, then making a joke about it afterward when asked "what the fuck was that". my life is the epitome of "if i cant, then no one can"
