I’m genuinely so [censored] scared (guys help idk what to do /srs)

[french_fry_guy]

TW: Abuse mentions. This is also REALLY long
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My absolute best friend (I love them to death but I don’t know how to feel right now [I don’t blame them at ALL and they’re an honest person in general so I’m happy they didn’t break their moral code for me, but I still don’t know how to feel]) told their mom that the reason I couldn’t go to drama was because of gas and that my mom couldn’t pay other people to drive me around. Well, their mom texted MY mom and told her that if I ever need a ride she could provide it. I don’t really know/remember what happened next but all I know is that it causes our moms to get into a fight. Their mom blocked my mom and my mom got really mad.

So, yesterday, I’m just cleaning my room and doing my laundry (as usual) and I get called downstairs by my step-dad (I’m gonna call him SD). He sounded upset so I was confused. He had me sit on the stairs and asked me, “you know the reason you aren’t in drama anymore isn’t just gas right?” “Yea? It’s because we’re stressed and busy, the gas is apart of it.” “Then why did you tell [best friend] that it was because of gas? Your mom got a text from [best friend’s mom] saying that you told [best friend] that we can’t afford gas.” “What? That’s not-“ “I’m tired of your lies. Ever since you were little you’ve always wanted your life to be worse— sprinkling lies everywhere like (I don’t remember what he said here). You make this stuff up and then go tell these lies to your friends! What do you get out of this?” “I- I don’t.. know.” “You’re delusional Elliot! Go and clean your [censored] room. I know your mom is gonna talk to you about this.” (Not deadnaming myself so I put my actual name) (there’s a lot of stuff missing because I can’t remember what happened exactly.)

My mom came home, went to my grandparents, then came back home. During this time I was panicking and terrified. I packed an emergency bag with two pairs of jeans, two pairs of pajama pants, four shirts, and a lot of underwear/socks. There was also perfume and deodorant. She comes into my room at like 7:30-8pm and tells me that she’s disappointed and hurt that I’ve been “lying” about her. And that I’ve “single handedly destroyed” her reputation and that she can never make friends in this town because of me. I don’t lie to my friends, I tell them what happens. I tell them when she yells at me, when she is terrible for no reason, when she makes me feel bad for eating, and god forbid when she hurts me or my sister(s). I don’t lie, I tell them what I have to so I’m safe.

Before I went to bed last night my mom and SD asked me who I thought I was, what gave me the right to tell people all of this. I told them “ I don’t know” but in reality I know I’m not stupid and I can see when things aren’t ok. I have the right to tell people about my home life, and the fact that they aren’t ok with it just goes to show that they know it isn’t ok either. The one thing that really stuck with me (as in I actually remember it and I didn’t repress it) is that my mom said that I was selfish and delusional, and that no amount of therapy will ever fix that. She said that right before I went upstairs to go to sleep and I ended up crying because what? I probably am selfish and what if I am delusional? Should I trust their word or my memory?

But I talked to my best friend and they told me what happened from their end (the first paragraph) and that they feel like it’s their fault. I told them not to blame them and that I don’t blame them. I also talked to another friend (I’ll call him Savior because atp that’s what he is). Savior said that I need to get out of there. He told me that I should write a few months of this down with dates and times (if possible) and he’ll try to get me out of here. He also gave me a reality check and reminded me that me trying to tough it out instead of actually getting help is only further perpetuating the abuse; he’s probably not wrong. He has ties with the government and with my word and proof of my story being straight for a long time (ex: emails and texts to multiple people) I might actually be able to get out.

I’m just so scared. My mom told me that if I think I have it bad now she can “make my fantasy” a reality and be worse than what she is. I want to get out but I’m terrified. I was so scared to come home earlier that I picked at my skin until my hands/arm was covered in blood and cried. (I sat out because we were doing marching band). I just don’t know what to do anymore.

[french_fry_guy]

This post is deleted!

[french_fry_guy]

This post is deleted!

[french_fry_guy]

I’m terrified. Like, absolutely terrified

[french_fry_guy]

I just feel bad because my mom HAS worked hard for her name, but she has made my life into a fight, flight, or freeze response since I was NINE. HOW can you look at a NINE year old and not feel sorry after making them cry after you just yelled at them?

[french_fry_guy]

My mom isn’t home yet but she will be soon, what should I do? /srs

[TwoTimee]

i hope u and your siblings get out of that hell :ccc
/srs
(try not to provoke them..???? idk how to help)

[french_fry_guy]

@TwoTimee thanks man, and I’m gonna try. I’m just so scared

[thatguy]

I know you have heard this multiple times already but I do hope sh!t does get better. By the sounds of it you could prob spend a bit of time at a friend's house but I'm not sure the full extent of that. Good luck tho soldier 🫡

[french_fry_guy]

@thatguy tysm man, Savior almost made me cry earlier because he was telling me how I could live with him and become his brother. I wish I could live that life, I don’t know where to start tho. Not to mention I don’t know what would happen to my sisters
(Also, shit isn’t censored btw lol)

[thatguy]

@french_fry_guy I hope there will be a solution that works out for you and your siblings

[Noctis]

That seems like a big deal, Them hurting your sisters and you for no reason at all? You know child abuse is against the rules.

Whenever they threaten to kill you or worse you might as well tell them that you would call the police or something related.

They see you as a liar yes but for sure inside their minds they are not sure. Anyways good idea keeping an emergency kit or backpack because that can come in handy which parent is worse could already have a gun or knife so sneak some food or water and keep some currency just in case that happens.

You are not a liar I can tell you are a very responsible and mature person who will look out for your little sisters.

Either a god send you to protect them from your mother.

Just please keep being yourself and do not change who you are because of them.

[french_fry_guy]

@Noctis my mom hasn’t [physically] hurt me in a long time but they used to hit my baby sister (not the face thankfully) and my mom and sister got into a physical fight a few weeks ago

They’ve never threatened to kill me and I don’t think they would ever be that extreme. I probably don’t need to pack food/water because I would just go to Savior or someone else’s house for a while.

Thanks though, I’m trying to not let them get to me. I don’t think I’m in the wrong for feeling the way I do.

The abuse I’m talking about is more psychological. My mom does something physical very rarely but when that happened between her and my sister I couldn’t eat at my house for a good two days. I mean when they guilt me or literally call me delusional and a liar.

[TwoTimee]

@french_fry_guy stay safe!!!

[french_fry_guy]

@Graveyard_artz please show this to Savior (F) if he hasnt seen it