vent - sighniu

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so i devolved into a deep depression now... i will someday post my full story here... i needed to tell someone atleast but... no one listens... so i hope someone sees this.. (ps. im not gona yk.. die... im not a risk to myself.. just tired of holding everything in and acting like im ok just to b loved...)

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it just sucks fr... you get out of torture.. put your ful: love in someone... then get your heart broken... but... i wont be drastic.. i still live a life worth living :) i might just be single for a while soon.. i got less than a year till 18 and move on :)

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im sorry your lifes been so rough so far, you can dm me if you ever need to talk abt it or someone from @mental-health-chat-group :)
(also for future reference i think these post need a TW/Trauma warning in the title, in case you ever post smth like this again)

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@_Izzy_ ah sry, thank you :)

Bakura

Yeah I had a lot of things happened when I was younger I never had any friends cause they think I'm a freak plus when I was four...lets just say I can't say those things in this website because its against the rules but yeah I had a lot of bad things happened to me and there still are. Even when I help everyone out I still can't help myself so hiding my depression Inside of me was the best solution for me

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@Bakura well, i check in here alot. if you need to talk im here :) im good enough to listen :3

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tw: trauma, feelings, ruminating, vent. i noticed something today.. whenever i looked outside... i felt a sense that it was supposed to be happy, but when i looked out at the blue sky, green grass, it didnt feel as vibrant to me. it was like... if something was looming over the entire feeling... it felt offputting and made me ruminate a bit... i feel this strange feeling.. the looming... the feel of something going on despite the happy scenery... and when i think... i feel like theres apart of me missing? like i cant put whats missing together? even alone.. i always ruminate and think.. it feels like whenever someone sees something happy i see something terrible.. is it overthinking? worries? ill never be able to explain this feeling..

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tw: vent, manipulation mention (control).its like... its all one long bad dream i hope was never real... its strange for sure.. it dosnt matter what time lighting place whatever.. theres just a constant looming feeling.. i think its causing my anxiety... despite it i push past, but i feel like a shell of a former person i used to be.. like people took what they wanted, left me empty.. and now imjust controlled

Aries

I hope you don't mind me asking, but if you have ptsd how can you feel comfortable talking about this and making it all public?

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@Aries sry i was asleep, i talk about it because it actually helps me. wnen i write these im going through my emotions an its badd- through years of therapy i learned coping but sometimes thats not enough, it helps me because irl i hold it all in because i had an experience being sent away to a mental hospital, it makes me feel better venting and telling my story even tho the affects are still here, my ptsd is where i remember evry detail and even feel it sometimes, which habe led to panic attacks, i found out venting anonymously from some username actually helps me confront my issues and deal with the hurting after.

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@Aries plus i hide things, ren isnt my real name, i dont say locations or major details, i cant say names legally.. and i live a life of being micromanaged and controlled everyday.. its good to get out of that and tell people how i feel.. i cant tell anyone else and i wont hold it in forever..