memories of heaven (TW for *possibly* disturbing writing I suppose)

Yanderemenhera

again and again, looking within. looking, for the answers.
promises made for what remains the same, the same sin.
caked underneath nails, all over your face, only a slight mistake.
smile for the camera, don't say "cheese", that's rather nasty.
going, over and over and over again, it'll surely end?
smile for the camera, you never said you wanted it;
photos might be stained a bit.
did it really happen? memories are hazy.
touched by an angel or just something sick?
don't pick, choose what to say to get in the way.
feeling sick? smile, say "cheese!" and ignore the bitter irony.
were they real or memories of heaven? plunge into it, you'll never know.
hands touched some fruit meant for god, got kicked from heaven.
look at them, beautiful body's with long hair and sharp features Pearce your thoughts with further more sin, sickly in appearance, one day you hope to look just as they did then, when they held your hand.
twirling, braiding your hair, holding onto memories of heaven.
bony fingers whisp through your hair, as they pretty you up for heaven, going now to meet your God. you promised you wouldn't do the forbidden, but it's getting harder to not, but you wait for further orders.
heaven has a ginger and a brunette, aren't they pretty yet? they surely are, why can't they lower the bar?
obsurving them taught you how to be beautiful too, even if they didn't mean it, you miss them and regret it.
it never happened, the sin, anyway; they never brought it up. they are pure as day.
you miss heaven, and it's beautiful sky's, and looking deap into brown eyes.
you want to feel that way again, even if it's wrong, you'd let them do any sin they pleased as long as you felt that love again, having hands so delicate braid your dirty blonde hair, you know you are a creature of sin.
you feel sick again, you can't remember why.
it'd be easier if you broke the promise you made to him to let the angle saga end but you don't and you stay despite it getting harder to.
you want someone to place their hands on you like they did, even if it's a sin.
you just want to be loved.
delecate hands, beautiful hands, beautiful hair on their heads.
you miss it.
you haven't been treated like that in years and their faces fade away.
you wish you could feel it again, even if just once.
touched by heaven.
doesn't matter if it was a sin.
it felt great.
your hands aren't as beautifully fragile as theirs were. round, plump, clumsy fingers don't feel the goddamn same.
it's a cry'n shame.
who's to blame?
other then you, yes you, stupid you.
you should've known better, you were not two.
you aren't any better than the sin done against you.
grow up and get over the delusions of heaven.
none will ever love you like that again.
wallow in the shame of your own sins.
wake up to a new day and pray for the sun to shine again.
the angles are long gone, open your eyes and realize you're in hell.
you can cry, and hold your own hand but it won't be the same, eons and eons have passed since those bygone days.
filth sorounds you, it truly does.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up and get that head of yours out of the clouds. you vile swine.

there was no heaven, only trauma and lies.

open, open forth your damn eyes.
you're alone, you have been for ages.
forget it all, let the pain fade away.
wash the sin from your body, but you can't.
the forbidden apple has been seen, so you cannot be pure anymore.
there never was any heaven.
only sin.
repent.
repent.
repent.
never, never again.

Yanderemenhera

the beauty of this is very few people will actually read this, and those who do might wonder what the "meaning" is, but only I, and I alone do. so just make up your own theory of it's meaning if you desire it so, but I feel like themes of it are fairly obvious and on the nose to be honest

xx.hal0

this is quite beautiful in a sense

Yanderemenhera

@xx.hal0 thanks