He’s so peak (I hate him)

@The_Traveller95 Oh shit it’s the British police, I’m done for!

@Gl1tch Erm, actually, they’re baked ️

Me and my sister are listening to funky town low quality with spinning chip for 10 hours while doing this btw

@xenthy A spell called “dumbassery”

Making an absolute mess rn but it’s ok because the cookies will be yummy

@tyler_x Nah, but we're state neighbors lol

@tyler_x DONT MESS WITH ME I WONT REPLY I WANT TO MAKE YOU CRY
ISNT THAT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE?
BUT IT ISNT ME
BOYS WILL BE BUGS RIGHT???
(food for my trans soul frfr)

YOU GOT THIS!!!

@Gl1tch not to anyone on here, it was directed at my mom

When I was in love I was so overwhelmed by it that i hated feeling it. I loved my partner unconditionally but there were times I had to stop talking to them because of how overwhelming it got. I love romance, i really do, it's just a LOT emotionally. In order for you to be happy while in love you have to make sure you're happy with yourself- that's the part I missed. "Your soulmate isn't your missing piece, they're your complement." -Garnet. My ex partner and I are amazing friends, but I'm really relived to have that distance. There's times I miss dating them but in all reality I need more time for myself and our relationship got really co-dependent (we def needed to take a break). And hell, maybe one day we'll make it work, but even if that never happens I'm just happy to call them my best friend. But all and all, romance is beautiful but good GOD is it messy. Don't get in a relationship that might get serious or long term without knowing you're ok on your own, it saves a lot of crying and anxiety, trust me.

@thatguy tysm man, Savior almost made me cry earlier because he was telling me how I could live with him and become his brother. I wish I could live that life, I don’t know where to start tho. Not to mention I don’t know what would happen to my sisters
(Also, shit isn’t censored btw lol)

TW: Abuse mentions. This is also REALLY long
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My absolute best friend (I love them to death but I don’t know how to feel right now [I don’t blame them at ALL and they’re an honest person in general so I’m happy they didn’t break their moral code for me, but I still don’t know how to feel]) told their mom that the reason I couldn’t go to drama was because of gas and that my mom couldn’t pay other people to drive me around. Well, their mom texted MY mom and told her that if I ever need a ride she could provide it. I don’t really know/remember what happened next but all I know is that it causes our moms to get into a fight. Their mom blocked my mom and my mom got really mad.

So, yesterday, I’m just cleaning my room and doing my laundry (as usual) and I get called downstairs by my step-dad (I’m gonna call him SD). He sounded upset so I was confused. He had me sit on the stairs and asked me, “you know the reason you aren’t in drama anymore isn’t just gas right?” “Yea? It’s because we’re stressed and busy, the gas is apart of it.” “Then why did you tell [best friend] that it was because of gas? Your mom got a text from [best friend’s mom] saying that you told [best friend] that we can’t afford gas.” “What? That’s not-“ “I’m tired of your lies. Ever since you were little you’ve always wanted your life to be worse— sprinkling lies everywhere like (I don’t remember what he said here). You make this stuff up and then go tell these lies to your friends! What do you get out of this?” “I- I don’t.. know.” “You’re delusional Elliot! Go and clean your [censored] room. I know your mom is gonna talk to you about this.” (Not deadnaming myself so I put my actual name) (there’s a lot of stuff missing because I can’t remember what happened exactly.)

My mom came home, went to my grandparents, then came back home. During this time I was panicking and terrified. I packed an emergency bag with two pairs of jeans, two pairs of pajama pants, four shirts, and a lot of underwear/socks. There was also perfume and deodorant. She comes into my room at like 7:30-8pm and tells me that she’s disappointed and hurt that I’ve been “lying” about her. And that I’ve “single handedly destroyed” her reputation and that she can never make friends in this town because of me. I don’t lie to my friends, I tell them what happens. I tell them when she yells at me, when she is terrible for no reason, when she makes me feel bad for eating, and god forbid when she hurts me or my sister(s). I don’t lie, I tell them what I have to so I’m safe.

Before I went to bed last night my mom and SD asked me who I thought I was, what gave me the right to tell people all of this. I told them “ I don’t know” but in reality I know I’m not stupid and I can see when things aren’t ok. I have the right to tell people about my home life, and the fact that they aren’t ok with it just goes to show that they know it isn’t ok either. The one thing that really stuck with me (as in I actually remember it and I didn’t repress it) is that my mom said that I was selfish and delusional, and that no amount of therapy will ever fix that. She said that right before I went upstairs to go to sleep and I ended up crying because what? I probably am selfish and what if I am delusional? Should I trust their word or my memory?

But I talked to my best friend and they told me what happened from their end (the first paragraph) and that they feel like it’s their fault. I told them not to blame them and that I don’t blame them. I also talked to another friend (I’ll call him Savior because atp that’s what he is). Savior said that I need to get out of there. He told me that I should write a few months of this down with dates and times (if possible) and he’ll try to get me out of here. He also gave me a reality check and reminded me that me trying to tough it out instead of actually getting help is only further perpetuating the abuse; he’s probably not wrong. He has ties with the government and with my word and proof of my story being straight for a long time (ex: emails and texts to multiple people) I might actually be able to get out.

I’m just so scared. My mom told me that if I think I have it bad now she can “make my fantasy” a reality and be worse than what she is. I want to get out but I’m terrified. I was so scared to come home earlier that I picked at my skin until my hands/arm was covered in blood and cried. (I sat out because we were doing marching band). I just don’t know what to do anymore.

@SumRandomLoser ofc man 🫂

Ft my cool boots and hand

I have absolutely no appetite so I’m just here listening to music from movies because that’s today’s trivia theme
(I also don’t really want to talk to anyone today but I feel like I should so idk)

@thatguy me and you both, but if she’s been like this for abt six years so I don’t know if she’ll change

@thatguy anyone that listens is ok, I’ll keep that in mind thank you

Im rlly sorry man :[
sending you hugs ^^

Not me going to school after getting a tooth pulled
(It’s fine, the entire right side of my face is numb tho 🥹️)