well.

TheToast

weelp. turns out i am no longer apart of my 2 year friendgroup.
yesterday, everything was just going along when all of a sudden, the discord server for us had a heart attack (owner basically nuking all the channels, roles, etc.) and i lost all my perms. two people from long gone have been brought in to discuss things.
me, those two people, and my three closest friends went into a vc to talk.
Psychosis, the one they mainly focused on, was confronted with his behavior, such as telling people to [dispatch] themselves over jokes, called one of my (former) closest friends a [censored] (both of these actions caused my former friend to take negative acts against themself, take that how you will), and other such general behavior. something that's been going on for months, almost the entire time we've known him, and this disscussion was a long time coming.
now.
i was roped into the confrontation, simply because i never stood up for my friend when Psychosis was going off on them. but i have. never publicly, but i've had so many talks with him privately about his behavior, and once or twice with some others. never with the full group, never in the public text channels, but i have. maybe i should've been more out-spoken about it, called it out right then and there, instead of waiting. by doing so, i hurt my friend dearly, whom we were very close. that was my mistake, i will admit.
but i am chastised about this, called disrespectful, and nobody believes me when i explained my actions. everyone starts going at Psychosis again, telling him he's a bad person, they don't believe what he says when he tries to explain or apologize, and generally shut him down. like i said, this was a long time coming. however.
i was only one sticking by his case. yes, he made everyone afraid of him because how he acts, and i will not deny i wasn't scared too (he reminds me alot of my dad when he yells). but i understand the reasoning behind Psychosis' behavior. and i said so - i explained why he acts this way, i said i do NOT condone his actions and agree something must be done, but i think he can change. it will take a while, but he can.
nobody was having it, saying i was "defending him." sure. if you say so.
so, after a bit, people leave, and it's just me and Psychosis. we talk, discuss things. i agree to help him, and we both agree to leave the friendgroup to work on ourselves (i'm a fairly messed up person too).
next thing we know, we are booted from the server, blocked by our two former closest friends. the consequence for us was banishment. we said okay, sent our final words, and went off by ourselves.
we haven't spoken to other members of the friendgroup yet (one of them is austrailian, the other has a job, the other other just floats around), although one of them, whom i don't talk to much, texted me asking if i was okay and that she was there if i needed her. it was sweet.
also Psychosis is the one who (i think?) likes me, and we're still very much friends.
so yeah. even if it's something i agree with, and know it's for the best, it's still a lot. i just lost most of the people i trusted most. it hurts. i'm sure i'll eventually find other people, but, eh.
man i'm tired.
i guess this is a vent? sorry for the wall of text. mods please don't reject this i just wanna get this off my chest.