Life Update #5 (! LONG VENT EDITION!): Identity?

[Supie-Chan]

So likeeee here's some reformatted copy pasted stuff and more-

"I keep having energetic moments (not happy moments just energetic) or depressed moments or just.....straight up physical pain that feels like someone lit my body on fire-

Alr so like imagine this its the middle of the night like 5 AM and I just wake up for no reason
And I just feel depressed AF out of no where-
Idk WHY but I randomly just felt like shit for some reason and its weird cuz what was happening is that I was depressed over my gender for some reason BUT.......I wasn't depressed over being a guy i was like depressed over not being smth else (if that makes any sense????)
Idk a better way to describe it other than I just "felt out of place"
And then add that to me randomly just hating being single A LOT MORE lately- and now im just tripping-
Ya get just a big pile of shit for me to deal with :>
So yeah ik i have like wayyyy more to say but my brain is so fucked i can only think of that

Like id love to be trans (considering it a LOT rn-) or nonbinary or SMTH like that but I also kinda like being a guy
Idk how to describe it
Its like id love to be smth else but i don't want to give up who I am kind of or ruin any relationships (Like my family cuz yk they catholic)"

And and like on one hand sure I love the name Viva a lot but like Enrique has a lot of value cuz im named after mah grandpa who i uh....never got to meet =w='' (I'm the third Enrique) So im stuck between Viva (peak name to me) and Enrique and sure i've thought of being genderfluid but for some reason my brain is like "IF YOU DON'T PICK ONE I SWEAR-" so like its either be trans which feels great I bet or stay a boy and feel like shit with all the manly man expectations (which sure won't stop cuz i doubt my family would accept (aka why im never telling them till i move if i do become trans) but it'll just feel better)
If like anyone who has gone through this kinda stuff can help.....THAT WOULD BE SO GREAT CUZ I DO NOT HAVE ROOM FOR MORE THINGS TO STRESS OVER RN

[Mitsko]

you could be genderflux

[I_eat_sharpie]

How abt bigender? that's just a girl and a boy at the same time, all the time :3

[Mitsko]

but if u wanna be mtf you can always make enrique ur middle name

[Mitsko]

pretty sure thats possible

[Supie-Chan]

@Mitsko I alr got a middle nae though (Louis)

[Supie-Chan]

@I_eat_sharpie Yeahhh but again my brain is like "Dude.......just pick one.....JUST PICK ONE-"

[I_eat_sharpie]

@SupieStar4 said in Life Update #5 (! LONG VENT EDITION!): Identity?:

@I_eat_sharpie Yeahhh but again my brain is like "Dude.......just pick one.....JUST PICK ONE-"

I meaaaan if you picked BOTH at the same time, you already did pick

[Supie-Chan]

@I_eat_sharpie I-I mean thats not what......wait-.....that feels like it shouldn't make sense- (fr tho I mean like if i pick both its like "No.....no..........NO-" idk why)

[I_eat_sharpie]

@SupieStar4 Damn-