The Hollow Lock Psychological Horror Novel (Chapter 1: "Some Scummy Day!" Preview)

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I Think She Is Too

Dawnthedemon

@Wynter JJ is (totes didnt almost say this in the japanese character set because i left my keyboard in japanese mode -w-")

P4NIC_ITS_MCR

ooohh...time for me to theorize.

SupieStar4

Alr well I can't edit this post anymore soooo-

(The new parts are a bit poorly written imo but I got a bit lazy I think idk I last wrote it on the 4th)

Chapter 1: "Some Scummy Day!"

“AH! #?!@ING HELL!” yelled Ava after being silent the whole time. If there’s one thing she hated the most, it was a bright light shining directly in her eyes.
“You kids alright?!” the man who was driving asked. It seemed as if he appeared out of thin air with how much the light was blinding them.
“Uh..yeah? We’re fine ... .I think” Dan said hesitantly. He was usually rather confident, quiet, but confident. Yet he sounded uncharacteristically shaken, scared almost.
Suddenly, everything felt cold, a gentle yet harsh breeze blew by.
“C’mon i’ll help you up” the man said. He had a friendly tone but sounded as if there was no room for argument. He immediately helped each of them up before asking with a concerned tone,
“What are you kids doing out here this late? Don’t you care about your safety?” he asked, voice tinged with concern.
“We’re trick-or-treating, that’s all,” Phoenix muttered, eager to end the conversation and crawl into bed. Jess nudged them gently, trying to lift the mood. Phoenix grumbled back - a silent ‘buzz off.’
“Well do you kids know how to get home at least?” he asked.
“Of course we do, we have it on our phones.” Tom said a bit shakily, he was the only one noticeably rattled by the man. Though you couldn’t blame him, the man sounded friendly but his looks said otherwise. His clothes were ragged - torn and fraying like they’d survived a war. His voice was gravelly, as if he'd spent years coughing with no end. His skin was strange: dry and pale like bone, stretched over what looked more like skeleton than muscle. And yet... his car told a different story.
Sleek, white, and gleaming - one of those futuristic electric models everyone recognized. But something about it felt off. Too clean. Too perfect. It had the same shape as the others they’d seen, but it pulled at them, like it wanted them closer.
They stood there for a moment staring at the car before suddenly let out a loud HONK at them, almost as if it knew they were staring and didn’t like it. Tom jumped a bit, he’s already spooked enough and for a minute, he began to wonder if he was hallucinating. But when he saw everyone else he internally let out a sigh, grateful to know he isn’t losing it. That reassurance however didn’t help with the fact that the man seemed rather…sketchy."

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@SupieStar4 Ngl I Forgot About This

pawthetic

@KG3M0 doesnt change anything. itd be immoral to make this weird

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@pawthetic

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SupieStar4

so uh.... i might have lost access to the doc....I MIGHT have but with the whole school situation and me writing the book on my school chromebook.....yeah so far work on the hollow lock is basically paused however thats only the writing portion so now i can focus on other parts (and maybe even my 2763 unfinished projects)

Sup3rSwaggyy1983

A tip I have would be when a character says something (example; '___ said', or '____ asked'), you could replace it with a more creative descriptive way of proclaiming it. I struggle with with as well, but it's still good to get the hang of. It gets repetitive sometimes, but other than that; great writing!! ^^

SupieStar4

@Sup3rSwaggyy1983 yeah ive always noticed how repetitive it gets (not even just with dialogue) and it oddly pisses me off (can u tell im a perfectionist?) but I admittedly got a lil lazy (can u tell i suck at projects?) Thx for the tip!

Sup3rSwaggyy1983

@SupieStar4 yw!! But other than that, your writing is actually really good/gen :3 it's actually punctuated correctly and very descriptive. You keep it interesting, so +17 Coolness points PX