Vent (TW: mention of SH)
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Switch Only Nighttime Only The Council of Lua ★~ Karson Verified ~☆ | W1ckedSticky is #3 sweetpuddin EST Timezone LGBTQ+ Of BDNS Omnisexual 💜🖤💙 neurodivergent D e p r e s s i o n . . . WARNING! STUPID! Hopeless Romantic pale as F∪CK Yandere after me!! "Screw you guys, I'm going home Peace and Quit Lua's Beta Readers I <3 writing AO3 READER we read fanfic lol Guitar peeps ♬⋆.˚ art council VOICE ACTORS OF BDNS did the dew yaoi enjoyer ANTI-67 Anti-Spawn Anti-Clanker CASEOH FAN!! Blue Lock! Rinsagi <3 certified saiki k fan JJBA watcher Stardust Crusaders I <3 Vanitas no Carte Dark Deception lovers | JJK FANS !! One Piece Fans Walking Dead I ❤️ Gorillaz Coldplay ♪Robbie's Bugs♪ Mindless Self Indulgence Radiohead stomach book I ❤️ The Smiths Mitski <3 Arctic Monkeys♥ Alex G ENJAMBRE lana del rey I <3 Vacations three days grace ☆Deftones☆ vocaloid Odetarii I ♥ Nirvana i ♥ weezer Red Hot Chilli Peppers ParamoreI genuinely can't fcking stand this place anymore. I just want to leave. I want to have my own little bunker in the earth where I have somewhere comfy to lay and the internet so I can never have to inconvenience people ever again by merely existing or opening my mouth.
I just want to disappear without disappearing.
I don't even know what I did. I just wanted to help. I wanted to be "useful" like they always tell me to be. But nothing is ever good enough. No matter what I do, in their eyes, I will always be a stupid, unrespectable, lazy, underserving parasite who only feeds my face and takes everything from them who shouldn't have any feelings or opinions about anything that arent their own.
I'm a mass of clay for them to mold into exactly what they want. Except the clay is hard and dryed out and will never achieve the perfect shape. I will never be what they ask of me. And that is drilled down into my very being. I don't know how else to soothe the mess I've become other than to punish myself. Because that at least feels like justice.
Even if I hurt and bleed and starve, they'll never see it for what it really is. They refused to when they did see. They just accused me of seeking attention; playing the victim for pity. A product of my woke generation.
I cried so hard today. They got angry about that. As soon as I had time to myself, I did it. Not because I wanted to feel something, but because I wanted to distract myself from feeling what I was already feeling. I haven't done it in a while. So much for that. It stings right now. I got put in a hard spot when my mom asked me where the bottle of rubbing alcohol went. It was still in my room from where I had cleaned it and applied a cotton pad and tape to it because I didn't have band-aids big enough.
I just told her that I accidentally got some traces of pen on my dresser's finish, and that I used the alcohol to strip it off. Luckily, that seemed believable to her.
Why do I have to lie? I wish I didn't have to. I wish they were fine so I would be fine. Then I wouldn't have to lie.
Sometimes I just want to be entirely somewhere else. In an alternative reality where no one knows me and I'm just an invisible spectator.
This sucks.
What am I to do?
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Mold the clay into what any shape you want. Because its your own design and nobody can copy the different special things about you
Switch Only Nighttime Only The Council of Lua ★~ Karson Verified ~☆ | W1ckedSticky is #3 sweetpuddin EST Timezone LGBTQ+ Of BDNS Omnisexual 💜🖤💙 neurodivergent D e p r e s s i o n . . . WARNING! STUPID! Hopeless Romantic pale as F∪CK Yandere after me!! "Screw you guys, I'm going home Peace and Quit Lua's Beta Readers I <3 writing AO3 READER we read fanfic lol Guitar peeps ♬⋆.˚ art council VOICE ACTORS OF BDNS did the dew yaoi enjoyer ANTI-67 Anti-Spawn Anti-Clanker CASEOH FAN!! Blue Lock! Rinsagi <3 certified saiki k fan JJBA watcher Stardust Crusaders I <3 Vanitas no Carte Dark Deception lovers | JJK FANS !! One Piece Fans Walking Dead I ❤️ Gorillaz Coldplay ♪Robbie's Bugs♪ Mindless Self Indulgence Radiohead stomach book I ❤️ The Smiths Mitski <3 Arctic Monkeys♥ Alex G ENJAMBRE lana del rey I <3 Vacations three days grace ☆Deftones☆ vocaloid Odetarii I ♥ Nirvana i ♥ weezer Red Hot Chilli Peppers Paramore@Noctis Thank you. I'll try when I'm able to escape this hell.
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Volleyball Luke Combs fan womp womp Taken I ♡ My BF ☆★! Converse !☆★ Alex G Spotify ig D e p r e s s i o n . . . Hopeless Romantic Iron Deficient straight allies! neurodivergent ｡･ﾟﾟ･Vent-Friend 2.0 #1 kinger fan Caine fans!! ##adhd 420 chat-perms Dizzy certified<3 i ♥ weezer Gl1tch staff Nintendo Switch Users bookworms CASEOH FAN!! KITTYYYYYUHHH!! i love cats chronically online Mickey Munch Clubhouse Bannedim sorrh you feel this way! i understand the feeling it get overwhelmingly exhausting sometimes. ml <3
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Raven locked this topic on
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Sorry to hear, but Self Harm is a prohibited topic.
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