My parents are fcking scaring me...

[Luana.vasper]

This nintendo is our family nintendo, so we keep it in the livingroom on the dock connected to the TV. The dock is visible if you walk far enough into the livingroom from the hallway where our bedrooms are.

I'm definitely not supposed to have this switch. In fact, the last time I had it in my room playing a game, my dad got mad and threatened to take away my privileges (like being by myself, having a door, or being able to just go to the bathroom without having to ask and without being timed). So...

It's been like two years since they took everything else from me (phone, laptop, sketchbook)

I waited it out a few months (like ten). Waited for them to forget about it and not watch the Nintendo anymore every night bcs I fakely formed a "trust" with them that I wouldn't take it over time. It's been about two months now that I've been able to take it with me comfortably at night without worrying.

Tonight, after seemingly going to bed, they've come out of their bedroom twice (my mom once and my dad once). It shot my adrenaline up so high and I crossed my fingers that they would either not turn the light back on to go get or go do whatever they forgot to or just not notice that the switch was missing from the dock in general. I could not calm down for at least ten minutes after that even when they went back in their room and never barged in and confronted me. It makes me so scared.

Ah... the anxiety they put in me.

[Luana.vasper]

They don't usually do this, so it's got me anxious now. My hands are still shaking. I'm trying to blow on my thumb (it stimulates the vagus nerve which is responsible for calming), which typically works for me, but it's not right now.

[TH4TTR4N5F3M_VA]

Warm milk. It will help

[Luana.vasper]

@TH4TTR4N5F3M_VA I can't just go get warm milk. That'll make noise and draw attention to me. Especially heating up the milk (microwave). And I think they're still awake, so very bad idea for me.

Plus, we don't have milk, so...

[TH4TTR4N5F3M_VA]

@Luana.vasper rip

[theadora]

OHMYGODOHMYGOD I know exactly EXACTLYEXACTLY what you're going through!!! I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this kinda thing
NINE HILLS I hope you're survived
but the stress.... the heart-stopping terror coming from te realization that you could be a mere moment away from getting caught... running what's gonna happen when you do get caught through your head; how far back it'll set you... over and over... getting strung up, called a sneaking, slithery whoer...
I HATE THAT FEELING
I hate having to sneak around, just so i can be connected, just to be able to talk about it even.
It's Awful

[Snail Mail]

My father is narcissistic. I have never had a phone as a kid, barely socialized outside of my house. It always seems to be my fault I lose trust. I want to do after school activities and events, sports, trips, ect. And for the past 4 years. I had only got to be the track manager for a bit (yes, this was taken from me but my dad had good reasons as this time I was using it for "bad" but worth it!). Even though I wanted to be on track.. I always got called out by the real athletes because of it, but one of them. I beat in a race. I had no training, and I beat them. They still talked about me being just a track manager, but a little less. Thank God. But what's so bad about this? I've never gone to outdoor school. The once in a lifetime thing, he thought all he was doing was taking just another event from me. I use to take phones and find ways to socialize outside of school, I was good at it (still am)! I found so many ways, no matter what was in my way. I was determined. I was human too. I had taken my cousin's phone (he normally breaks them anyways), and used that. But the adrenaline that hits you, fear and love are very close. I was terrified. When he took it I was scared, was he gonna throw me around like a rag doll? Was he gonna yell at me? Was he gonna slam my door when he was done and go see EVERYTHING..? I was scared. The addrelinine got to me, now I have quick reflexes. I can guess people by steps, my father's being heavy, but still a bit quiet due to the floor and his socks. You have no idea how scary it is to hear your door open quickly, it's not a very good feeling you get. There was this one time.. I had snuck simply just food into my room. Just food. Ate it btw. And my dad found out, oh and it was HELL.... For some simple food. I think back to it now. I love my father dearly, and yet he... Oh how it fuels my hate for humans. He can get mad at me, but I can't just show my anger..? No expressions, no hand movement. Nothing. Be like a robot or something. If I was, I would take over the world and burn this damn house down. This house holds terrible memories of my old abuse from my grandma Kare's boyfriend. The things that happened with.. his kids. And school. 5th grade, you don't know "bullied" till you've seen that 5th grade year. Anyways, just wanted to share a bit of my understanding towards it.

[theadora]

@Snail-Mail
Testify bro!!!! seems many of us have been, or ARE there

Spoiler

being here.... waaayy better than therapy

[The_Traveller95]

I have been sneaking devices after hours to my room to talk with my ex every night

[Luana.vasper]

@theadora I'm so glad someone understands. This is the exact feeling. Couldn't have explained it better. Hope you get out soon.

[Luana.vasper]

@Snail-Mail This is very real. I'm sorry you had to experience that. hug

[Luana.vasper]

@The_Traveler95 I sneak the switch just talk to someone. I don't even have access to other people other than this. And trust me, my parents get really tiring and mentally drain me. I feel overstimulated everday just being around them. I find any way I can to not be.

Even if I couldn't talk to other people on here, I would still be vey content with being able to read ao3 again after almost 3 years.