Am I the asshole here-?

Supie-Chan

Lowk was gonna make this a life update but screw that-
So my school does this thing called PBL, Project Based Learning, and you're put in a group of around 4 people you meet every Friday. The goal is to solve a real problem using what you're learning in class. I could keep rambling about it cuz there’s more to it, but that’s all you need to know. I always talk about loving it so what happened? Well it’s simple.

my group sucks-

Literally it’s terrible. It’s not even just how they treat me, it’s how they treat each other and the project. They either don’t care or care way too much, and we’ve switched problems more times than I can count. There’s barely any teamwork since we’re all given our own independent tasks, which sounds nice until you realize we don’t have any say because the group leader doesn’t want to hear anyone out. He’s selfish and thinks he’s untouchable just because he’s apparently smart. Whenever I try speaking he just goes “Shut up Enrique” like bro I didn’t even say a letter and I’m already getting shut down :broken_heart:

There’s also the dude I mentioned in this post
Life Update 7: Weaponizing:

really creepy dude at school that people keep shipping me with who also keeps making people believe I'm a girl just cuz I use the stall

So what makes him creepy? A lot. He makes very detailed nsfw remarks about me and my friends he hasn’t even met and acts super immature. He lies, takes credit for other people’s work, and constantly brags about money. I can’t think of a single conversation where he hasn’t said something like “I do this expensive thing” or “I made this expensive thing” or “I destroyed this expensive thing” like bro not everything is about money. He also acts really [censored], like genuinely bad.
He also breaks my stuff, like my old computer, my pencils, and a bunch of bags I’ve brought for cards. He keeps slamming decks on the table and it’s pissing everyone off. He also "jokes" and puts my belongings near his area or in his butt. (believe it or not its not funny at all) And he’s weirdly possessive of me. He invited me to his birthday and that’s when he started making me uncomfortable, so I said I had to help my sister move. I’ve told him before my sister is a nurse and always exhausted, underpaid, constantly working. Instead of being understanding he goes “So? That’s her problem not yours” which is crazy because I literally said I offered to help.
Then he made comments about kidnapping me, and it was weirdly detailed. He always tries to get me to sit or work with him even when I don’t want to. He’ll literally drag my chair toward him, and somehow tells people I’m the one going to him. Luckily people already know how he is so they were like “he says the same about you.”
He also spreads rumors like calling me a tomboy and saying I watch nsfw content, and just makes me look weird in general. (not saying tomboys are weird btw-) So why did I hang out with him? I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first. We talked early on and I didn’t get why people disliked him, but yeah, now I do.
(Srry for the rant about him, he just makes me really uncomfortable and I wanted to paint a picture)
So yeah, he’s in my group too, great! We’ll call the leader Kaden and the creep Jack. The third member is Caleb, and I thought he had the most braincells out of them, but lately he’s been acting just like them. He’s still more normal than the others, but yeah he has his moments.
So what about me? I’m just the new guy to this whole PBL system, and they treat me like shit. I feel like dead weight because whenever I try to work they don’t let me, but if I don’t work they get mad. I’m honestly thinking about just doing nothing at this point.
Last time they all argued against me, even this random girl from another group joined in for some reason, and I just put my head down and started quietly crying. Like actually shaking, eyes watering, everything. And they go “It’s not sleepy time Enrique” bro you can literally see me crying, maybe not the time.
Now I’m not saying I’m perfect. I could definitely work on listening better and figuring out what to do without asking. I usually ask what I should work on and instead of giving me something they just say “be yourself” but they clearly don’t like that so what am I supposed to actually do.
I guess I could also work on communication, but honestly the group is already so scattered in general. I feel like if I don’t try to pull things together, even though that’s not my role and should be Caleb’s, then we’re all just going to fail. And I’m pretty sure this actually gets graded.
They’re also really dismissive. I have bad hearing in my right ear so I need things repeated sometimes, and instead of helping they just groan and give up. If I ask someone else they don’t even try. I’ve told them this and they just don’t care.
Another thing is in small groups, if I’m not directly spoken to my brain kinda tunes out. I’ve told them that too. I’ve told them I’m new to this whole system. None of it matters to them.

they. just. don’t. care.

I try, I really do! Even outside of Fridays I ask about ideas and concerns. I bring up issues like trolls messing with our forms. They just ignore it.
And whenever I ask what the problem actually is, because we keep switching, they just tell me what we’re trying to do instead of the actual problem, the main person being Jack of course CUZ OF COURSE-
“Hey what’s the problem again?”
“The problem is we’re trying to ___”
“…ok but what’s the problem”
“I just told you-”
“That’s what we’re trying to do, not the problem.”
And then he gets annoyed and brushes me off.
Sure I could try to figure out the problem from that but he doesn't make it clear at all.
I could keep going but yeah. I doubt anyone read all this just to tell me if I’m the asshole or if they are.

Snoopy

Damn that's a lot

haydencc08

can i get the summary? i tried reading it and my eyes crossed

Supie-Chan

@haydencc08 I meet with this group every Friday for a PBL project where we’re supposed to work together to solve a real problem, but it’s honestly really dysfunctional. The leader doesn’t listen to anyone and shuts me down before I can even talk. The other guys are super dismissive, even though I’ve explained stuff like my hearing issue in my right ear, that I sometimes need to be directly spoken to in small groups, and that I’m new to PBL, they just don’t care. If I’m clearly stressed or upset, they’ll even mock it. When I try to help, they don’t like it, but if I don’t do anything, they get mad at me. I ask simple questions or bring up reasonable concerns and they either don’t answer properly or just ignore me. I know I’m not perfect and could do better too, but even when I actually try, they still treat me the same way.

Supie-Chan

@Snoopy
Yeah I think most of it is cuz I was ranting bout that creep.

haydencc08

@Supie-Chan tbh i didnt think youd actually type out a summary lol... anyways yeah i think theyre definitely being jerks for not including you and the thing with your hearing suks too... i have a stutter so i kinda get it... sometimes ill try to say something and it wont even come out but you can tell that im stuggling so most of the time people just ignore me and by the time i do get out what i was trying to say it doesnt even matter anymore becuase theyve moved on... sorry this is about you not me. ummm yeah im kind of a whimp so i dont really speak up for myself so im sorry i dont have any advice for you but you definitely didnt do anything wrong they just need to be more inclusive and stop acting like jerks.

Dr Nefario

This post is deleted!

Snoopy

YOU ARE BOT THE ASSHOLE

? Offline

ok so i read the whole thing and those people are absolutely disgusting! First off, that creep NEEDS to be reported, spreading rumors and making explicit comments about you?? That's a problem, from what your saying his behavior is basically harassment and he's probably going to be worse as an adult. I hope you cut him off completely, don't let him MAKE you sit next to him, thats a huge violation of your boundaries and once again, kind of harassment.
Anyways, can you ask your teacher to switch groups? the way these kids are treating you is actually unacceptable and NO teacher who cares about their students should allow it (not to be dramatic but it sounds like straight up bullying, especially if it's enough to make you cry) i actually feel so bad for you, the kids in your school are genuinely disgusting, and you're definitely not the problem.

I know its easier said then done but you shouldnt let any of them treat you the way they do! Don't let them tell you to shut up or mock you, thats mad disrespectful and you shouldn't let people think they can talk to you however, even if it's scary, sometimes you have to defend yourself if you want people to respect you.
not to be THAT person but sometimes cussing people out is necessary if they are repeatedly disrespecting you and ganging up on you and violating your boundaries

Supie-Chan

@_Izzy_
I HAVE reported him and groups are final =_=
Also I do try to defend myself and I have cussed them out and yet nothing has changed and for some reason everyone thinks they're right. Like that girl I mentioned everyone seems to eavesdrop and ig I'm the bad guy cuz I cant handle a project. Like yes yes I have done projects before- ALONE and never like this!

? Offline

@Supie-Chan you can't just "try", its not easy but you have to be confident and assertive, if you only "try" to defend yourself and fail to actually stand on business people will only respect you even less and clown you for it.

I know it's harsh but that's just bullying works, this situations is terrible but it seems your on your own so your gonna have to toughen up if you actually want them to leave you alone

I think before you handle them you should work on building self confidence, i know it sounds hella random but maybe try working out or boxing workout routines so you're more confident about your physical strength and ability to defend yourself so when you ARE assertive it's more genuine (theres many boxing workout videos that you can do for free without equipment, some are as short as 10 minutes long if you have a busy life.)

Like i said im not trying to be harsh, but as someone who's gone through the same thing (except for that creep situation you mentioned) all that "ignoring" and "tell the teacher" stuff doesnt actually fix anything and you WILL have to assert yourself properly if you don't want to be pushed around your whole life.
it's scary at first but most people wont actually fight you over it and even if they do (and you do lose), they'll likely leave you alone after just because they know you're willing to actually fight them in the first place.

As soon as I started cussing people out most of the conflicts I had stopped, but you have to ACTUALLY be confident and GENUINELY assertive, don't be afraid of these losers who think they're the shit.